


Blossoming Decay

by Black_Dog (Xilianr)



Series: Lonely, Together With You [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abduction, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dark, Detective Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fucked Up, Gore, Kidnapping, Masturbation, Mild Smut, Non-Consensual, Obsessive Behavior, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Plot Heavy/Less Porn, Porn With Plot, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Prequel, Protectiveness, Rape, Rape Fantasy, Short Chapters, Sleep Sex, Stalking, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-04-28 23:19:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 14,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14460018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xilianr/pseuds/Black_Dog
Summary: It was gradual. He would get a little bit closer every day. Eventually he needed more. He needed to know her. How else could he hope for love to bloom between them?The tale of how Levi ended up at that door at 3am.





	1. Coat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Personally I think this is better if you read Giving In To Love And Up To Madness first, but do whatever you like. They loop nicely either way in my opinion. (If you only came for the smut, I strongly suggest starting with Part One though)
> 
> This is romanticization and is not meant to justify any behavior.  
> This is only a dream we can all wake up from, safe and sound.

Levi sat at his post as the stakeout crawled on. The dirt caking the window was ignored for the cover it gave him. Everything was dirty in this part of town. This area was run down enough to uncomfortably remind him of his childhood slum. As he sat watching for any sign of their target his mind drifted.

He thought back to the day his best friend Farlan gave him a new coat. A properly new coat, not just new-to-him but a brand new coat. It was the first time in Levi’s twelve years of life he had gotten something new. He would have cried if he had been willing to show emotion. He had stopped though, because it was better to feel empty, be hollow. So he took the coat, smiled the best he could, and thanked the longest running of his only two friends.

Levi’s mind darted back to the present as a pack of kids crossed his view. The focus for the current flickered away as the children moved on. Levi hated when he got nostalgic like this. It was decades too late to change any of it.

Still he thought about his mother seeing him in his coat. She cried and he held her. He loved her for being so emotional. It made him feel better about never letting her see him sad. She felt sad enough for both of them. He hated this memory, hated where this path always led.

He was looking at his coat, dark red ruining any chance he had if wearing it again. Not that he was thinking about that at the time. He was too busy trying to turn his uncle’s words into language.

“...I am going to get them back for this kid. She was my baby sister after all. I won’t let them get away with it.” Levi was empty. He just looked at his stained coat and mourned. He could not look at what had become of his home, his mother.

“Cops.” Levi got the one word out. Police would find and punish the dogs that did this. The law would see to it that the monsters that had savaged his mother would meet justice. His mother had been adamant in teaching him: crime only bred crime.

“The Pigs?” Kenny spoke like he might retch at the thought. “Those fools are too shit stupid to find their own ass with both hands. We can’t rely on them to make this right.”

“You never did deliver you shit.” Levi growled under his breath, back in the dilapidated building he was holed up in.

“Ackerman?”

Levi looked at his partner, Mike Zacharias, sitting beside him. He waited a moment before he realized he had spoken aloud to the memory of his uncle.

“Shit. Sorry Zacharias. I was lost in thought, that wasn’t to you.”

“Kenny again? What is it about this part of town? Always gets to you.”

“It’s not Kenny this place reminds me of.” Levi left it at that. Mike was a good man, if one forgave him for being too damn tall. Even sitting Levi had to look up to the man that towered more than a foot over him. Mike was a damn good detective. He was loyal, respectful, and left Levi’s past well enough alone. Levi could not ask for a better partner.

The regular bus pulled up to its stop and the nine-to-fivers poured out. Levi noted the same four men as usual with the addition of one woman. This woman was new to him.

Levi was sure she could not possibly live around here. She did not look the part. That was, until she got closer. Levi could see the slightly thread worn slacks, the fade from too many washes of her coat. He watched her with a twist in his heart. That coat was too similar to the one haunting his memories.

“You seen that one before?” Levi knew Mike was just as aware of the abnormality.

“Yeah, she moved into the apartment complex up the next block. We started seeing her two days ago.”

“Huh. How far we fall.” Levi was watching her too closely. Mike only hummed agreement, his attention where it should be.

Levi watched her as long as he could. He was struck by how much she reminded him of a house cat that got lost. That look of clean, cared for, that said house pet but was slowly becoming dingy. She was a stray, now. That shine was going to tarnish. Levi watched her as long as he could, wishing he would not have to watch her fade just like that coat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, constructive critique, questions, they make me better. Kudos let me know you liked my writing, not that you approve of Levi's life choices.


	2. Lightening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. A lot of short chapters in this one. Sorry!

Days passed without any sign of the man they were waiting for. Levi noticed the stray girl walk from the bus to her home regular as clockwork. She always looked neat, even if she was not shining like new. She had fight in her. He liked that, respected her for it. 

Levi had taken a break from watching the empty building to pop over to the corner store for water and hopefully some not disgusting iced tea. He was juggling the lid, bottle he stupidly already opened and keys. The battle he was losing to inanimate objects was coming to a head just as he exited the shop. His keys broke away falling squarely on the threshold, forcing him to get in the way of the person approaching the shop. He leaned down clumsily to grab them only to have someone else’s hand snatch them up.

“Which one did you need?” The stray girl’s voice was like music to him.

“Car key.” His bland drawl belied his heart rate.

She rattled the keys around and handed them to him, needed key ready to go. When his fingers brushed hers, bumbling to take his keys, he felt the blush rushing up his neck. He thought he must look like the biggest idiot she ever saw. He sheepishly looking from his hand to her eyes only to be greeted with the most lovely surprise.

“There you go. Have a good day!” She was beaming a smile at him that even lit up her eyes. For a long second as he met those eyes he felt like she saw him, really saw him. As quickly as that lightening strike jolted his heart, the thunder rolled as the storm moved on. She turned away without so much as a glance back.

Levi got in his car and gave a disparaging tut at himself. He had not even managed a ‘ta’ for her trouble. He hated himself for being so socially inept. He drove back with the haul, snarling around in his own head.

Mike gave him a look and, after one deep inhale through that sniffer of his, put up his hands in surrender. “Not worth asking.” The big man just took his water and went back to silently watching the lot at the corner across the way.

Levi took up his spot but his focus was not out the window. He was stuck on the feeling of her fingers brushing his. Was he so starved for human contact that he was a mess over this? More than her fingers, it was her eyes. Those beautiful eyes. Levi swallowed down the returning blush before Mike could notice.

That was it, Levi knew what had to happen now. Levi pushed aside his instant infatuation to try and focus back on work. He would do his job and when he was free he would find a way to talk to her. He had to know this woman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! I am stunned by how many folks are reading my little story. I am trying to get better at writing and practice is important. Accountability helps too. Feedback (be constructive in your criticisms, please) is always welcomed. 
> 
> These chapters are short so please don't forget to read other peoples stuff too! There are a bunch of fledgling writers here on AO3 that deserve to get read.


	3. Element

It was day six of Levi’s stalking the stray girl, or as Levi had dubbed it: _Find a way to actually fucking talk with her you awkward shit_. It was the second stage of his master plan that he had coined: _Actually engage socially with someone long enough to constitute a relationship you loser_. It was the dumbest thing, but he was at a total loss of what else to do.

The first stage: _Just talk to her dumbass_ , had not gone smoothly. He had followed her to work only to find it was not a place he could easily strike up a conversation with her. After that he tried seeing what else she did to fill her time and attempt to insert himself there. That had not worked out either. She was not a total shut in or anything. She left the house from time to time. He just had no clue how to talk with her doing any of that either. It was only as he realized even if she did one of those speed dating things on the regular he would still have no idea how to approach her that he changed his strategy.

Socializing was not Levi’s forte. He would learn a bit about her from a distance. Get comfortable with the things she took an interest in, become knowledgeable about her hobbies. Then he could talk with her from a solid foundation of shared experience. It was a bit of a creeper way to get there but he was just so out of practice with doing things with people that did not involve his work, he felt out of his element in the worst way.

He was glad he never had cause to get to know her in the one way he felt completely at ease. He was a damn good detective and while he was technically Missing Persons, he helped in other departments all too often. If she had any run-ins with the police, he would have known it. He hated coming to her neighborhood for street crimes. It always made him tense with worry that she might have been a victim of the bad elements in her area.

Crime was just getting out of hand throughout all of the Rose District. More than just his department was under funded and under staffed. Levi could not place the blame his boss either. Lieutenant Erwin Smith was doing better than his predecessors with the limited resources he was given. Still his department was constantly over worked. Levi, being one of their best, was consistently getting pulled in to assist on more than a few cases.

Work ate up most of Levi’s life but it was not what isolated him. Levi had felt alone since he moved in with his uncle. Not to say he was a social butterfly before that. Back home Levi only had two friends, Farlan and Isabel. The three of them had been thick as thieves though. They looked out for each other. It had been awful moving away. He never found friends like that again. No one ever gave Levi a chance because he was an Ackerman. Kenny was still in ‘the family’ as his mother had put it. The Ackerman family was a power house, of the syndicated crime variety, going back for generations. Levi grew up shielded from that as best his mother could. She had left the wealth crime afforded them to give Levi a better, albeit impoverished, life. She had done her best for him. Levi genuinely believed that.

Life with Kenny had been lavish, his criminal activities paying off well. The Ackerman residence that Levi currently lived alone in had been left to him when Kenny went “traveling”. It was a fortress that had soundproofing that could mute gunfire, or torture. Kenny was not a good man. Levi had not seen his uncle since he was eighteen and did not care if he never saw him again. The man’s choices had cursed Levi to isolation just for the sin of sharing his blood.

That blood had made Levi especially touchy about family. He was only twenty when he got a vasectomy to be sure he could never unknowingly have a child. Even after that he was still not reckless. It was something he thought too much about when he was younger. Levi knew he had issues with obsessive behavior. His doctor even noted it when he insisted on a sterility test as a part of his yearly physical.

Levi was not sure he would have wanted to know his father. His mother had never told him anything about his father and Kenny did not know who he was either. The hole that left in Levi was never filled, he just had too few people in his life. Levi could not stand the idea of doing the same to some brat that was his. Levi would never allow himself to be the vacancy in a child’s life story. As an Ackerman it was on him to be sure of that.

Only once Levi joined the police force did he finally drop most of his criminal stigmas. He had a smattering of working relationships. Mike took him out to bars, Erwin in tow more often than not. Levi had taken a few women home, never found any of them to be worth trying to see again. All the more reason he wanted to not screw up with this girl.

In the short time Levi had been trying to talk to her he had discover she was a catch. This girl was smart, beautiful, playful at times, serious when it mattered. It was round about a month since he first saw her and he was only thinking of her more and more. If only he could find some way to put them in a casual situation to connect. Finding a way to befriend this stray girl was his only option. 

Only in fairytales did destiny bring two people together. His life was no Disney movie. What were the odds of him getting to play the roll of her Prince Charming? He was too gruff to ever be mistaken for charming. He was more Beast than prince.

So he would watch her until he found the words to talk to her. The stakeout had finally ended with the apprehension of the man they had been waiting on. It did mean Levi had less reason to be in the area all day, but he would make the time. There was something special about this girl. The more he watched her, the more unique she became. Maybe, just maybe, he could be lucky enough that she would become his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, kudos, just reading my work... Thank you! I love all of you for it!


	4. Coffee Maker

Eight months. He was pathetic. Eight months he had spent watching her and never said a single word. He was picking up small idiosyncrasies. Her cute habit of tucking one earbud around the back of her neck on her trek to and from work. Her singing along to the music when she thought no one was listening. He had looked up the songs. They were lyrically haunting. He found himself listening to her music all too often.

She was beginning to occupy too many of his thoughts. He was not distracted at work, but she was pulling on his focus. While working a case he would note the similarities. No one was like her really, still he was seeing her everywhere. Searching photos for clues and finding wisps of her in the victims of the crimes he was investigating.

This case was the first truly trying one. It was hard to keep from thinking of her while looking at this missing woman’s photo. The woman had the right colorings to be his stray. He could see differences though. His girl was prettier. This woman lacked the beautiful eyes his stray girl had. The body type was ever so slightly wrong as well. His girl had all the right curves to get his attention, unlike this woman.

Levi rolled his shoulders and went to make another cup of tea. He was letting himself think too much about her. This was not healthy. He was going to the places she went. For lunch he would order what she ordered just to see what it was like. She liked so many things he had never tried. Levi was willing to be adventurous in his but never bothered doing it. She was opening his world up one meal at a time.

He bought a coffee maker. He did not drink coffee, nor did he intend to start. He was practicing making coffee and feeding it to Mike. Once he got comfortable with Mike he intended to see how Erwin felt about his barista skills. Erwin was a coffee aficionado. His critique would be more helpful than Mike’s. Mike could tell him if it was in fact a drinkable beverage.

Levi placed a fresh made cup of coffee beside Mike before lightly swatting him on the back. “Oi. Sleep at home or get to work. Don’t care which, but pick one.”

Mike only grumbled a soft thanks before focusing in on the latest disappearance. Levi took his tea to his seat and focused as well. Disappearances of women rarely had happy endings. The longer they were gone the less likely any sort of salvageable outcome got. Levi rubbed the bridge of his nose as statistics started rattling through his head. That did not matter for this woman. She was not a statistic. He would save this one. Levi tried not to think on how many times he had thought that before. He would not dwell on how many people he failed to save. This one would be different.

It was a week later that Levi found out she was not different. She was yet another tragic statistic on spousal abuse. The deadbeat boyfriend had knocked her out, left her battered and bleeding in an abandoned building near his work. Forensics suggested she died hours later. Had she gotten medical attention it might have been different. Levi never had a chance to save this one. He was over a week too late. She was gone before he even started looking.

He went to watch his stray girl that night. He sat in his car the whole night, looking up at her dark window. She lived alone and yet she always had her porch light on. Levi found a comfort in that. It was like she was offering hope to those in need. It made him remember her lovely smile. He fell asleep watching the inviting glow of that porch light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Figure I'll remind everyone now that the tags matter. The spiral has already started.


	5. Linoleum

The thought got in his head and he just had to act on it. He tried not to but the worry was eating away at him. It was at ten months in that Levi felt he needed to check on her living situation. He knew she was making ends meet but that did not mean her place was acceptable. Levi did not know what he intended to do if it was a rat’s nest but he knew he had to see.

Levi looked the building over. It was not high end by any stretch. It needed a lot of work, and that was just judging by the outside. No point in making the place nice in this neighborhood though. Levi knew all too well what kind of attention nice things would bring in an area like this.

Her curtains were drawn, hiding any of her belongings from greedy onlookers. Levi was glad. He wanted to know though, needed to know she was doing alright. He used his lock picks to open the door with ease. He might as well have had a key it was so easy. He was less than thrilled about that.

He walked in slowly. He knew she was at work for hours yet. It was a wanting to be careful of her home that had him creeping into her space. He looked it over once from the entryway. Clean, orderly in a managed chaos sort of way. She was tidy with her things, though not to his level of obsessive. He could be alright with that. He shook his head, trying not to get ahead of himself. He had to talk to her before she would be moving in with him.

He went in deeper, observing everything from floor to ceiling. She had filled the space with her identity. Pictures claimed the walls as hers. She did not have a lot of things, but she had enough. He felt a spark of amusement as he took in the fragments of her displayed on her shelves.

Levi tutted as he saw the uneven paint job leading from the main room to the kitchen. The cabinets also had mismatched doors to the paint used for the rest of the space. Levi scrunched his nose as he noted the condition of the linoleum. It was a permanent sort of dirty. There was no way for her to get it any cleaner.

He went to check her bathroom and was pleased and heartbroken all at once. It was as clean as she could hope to get it. The space was maintained even if it was in need of repair long before she moved in. She had her own touch showing here as well. Colors had been matched and made the shabby space look happily lived in.

Levi hesitated before entering her bedroom. He wanted to let her have safety. This was her sanctuary. He did not want to intrude. He had come this far though. He just wanted to be sure she had a good bed, not just a clump of blankets on the floor. He walking in and sighed in relief.

The space was hers in the ways he had come to see in the rest of the apartment. He was starting to see a theme to the way she decorated her space. The dresser near the door was free of dust and the bed made. The linen was clean, a bit worn from age, but cared for. His stray girl was trying. He wished that was enough to thrive, but knew it was not.

He looked in the closet, a little confused over why it did not hold her dresser, to discover it was her storage. Neat and not dusty, the access panel was easy to reach. He looked up into the ceiling access and found a crawl space for her and the unit above her. It would have been a tight fit for Mike but Levi was sure he could move around with ease. He allowed himself the daydream of spending a day watching, really getting to know her, only a second. He had already crossed a line being here. He would not let this go any further.

He checked the windows, assuring himself the locks would be keeping her safe as she slept. He went up into the crawl space and found an exterior access. He did not like that in the least. He exited through her door, locks tumbled back into place with his practiced picks.

He found the exterior access to her crawl space was secured inside a maintenance room. This would have been fine if the door were locked. It was not. The locks were busted even, totally unusable. There was a latch to lock her access panel at least. Levi hated to do something that might draw unwanted attention to her but he could not leave this as it was.

He went to his car and headed to a hardware store. He bought new door locks and grabbed a padlock. He returned to the maintenance door on her floor, changed out the damaged locks and pocketed the keys. The padlock he left off as he went to be sure he was not locking an intruder in.

It was an unreasonable fear. He knew it as he went in. He had to though, just like when he had to wash something. He knew if he tried to leave it would just fester into something unmanageable. He walked her space one last time, checking all the locks, and left through the access panel. He locked the padlock on the hatch in the maintenance room. He double checked the locks on the door. Levi wondered how long it would be before someone noticed the new locks. No one did.


	6. Forest Green

Levi did not pick this room arbitrarily. His uncle had renovated the whole building, making it an impregnable fortress. This room, despite its floor to ceiling windows taking up one wall was the safest. It was at the heart of the property. If she was here, she was safe. Aside from a natural disaster. He would just fortify the bathroom for that. Levi did not like the bathroom as it was so it was a good enough excuse to renovate. It was too small, shabby really.

Levi wanted this space to feel like it was hers from the first second she came in. She would immediately feel like she belonged here. She would easily see a way to integrate into his world. He wanted it to be subtle. Simply an opening in his life that was just waiting for her to fill it. He had space, why not make a guest room just for her?

The answer to that was because it was crazy. He should not renovate his home for the woman he had not so much as managed to say hello to… and yet he was picking out tiles to match the colors he had seen in her home. He needed a distraction, a project to occupy him. He needed to stop following her. He had to find a way to not think of going to her home. He had concluded he would do the rest of the work himself. The task only really distracted him so long as he was the only one there.

At first Mike had helped expand the bathroom into the closet of another room. Levi was sure he did not care if his third guest room had a walk in closet if it made her bathroom perfect. The demolition went smoothly with them mostly just working in companionable silence. Levi found his mind drifting though. He would allow Mike to do more of the work so he could think about her reaction to the finished room. Levi told Mike it was the perfectionist in him that made him want to be the only one doing the work. The truth was Levi would have let Mike do the whole thing while he spend his time dreaming of her.

Levi was getting into a groove when he discovered the pipes were not up to snuff. The plumber was another stalling of momentum. Levi had only been able to stand aside idly as the man got the pipes fixed up. Levi was irritated over how easily he lost himself to thoughts of him with her, using the finished space. Levi had to do the rest himself if this was to help occupy him.

It worked. He focused on the construction. Insolation was filled in, walls soundproofed to match the rest of the space. His stray girl was too considerate. If there did happen to be a guest, he wanted her to feel she could be as noisy as she liked without being disruptive. It satisfied something deep in Levi to do the final stages himself, care taken in the laying of each tile.

He crafted all the angles to let in the natural light of the huge window without exposing her privacy. He used sketches and checked as he built to take advantage of best feature of the bedroom. Half walls and mirrors let light reflect around the space just as he intended. No matter where he stood in the courtyard he could not see the bathroom’s fixtures. Levi did not bother adding in a door. The bedroom had a lock on the door and would easily serve as barrier to accidental intrusion.

The bedroom got his attention next. Shelves were built in, giving her as much room for her controlled chaos as the space could afford. Levi painted the walls, refinished the wood floor. Heavy forest green curtains were hung up to block the morning light should she want to sleep in. Levi nearly pulled over the dresser during his installation of the curtain rods. He bolted the dresser down to be sure the heavy object never threatened his girl.

Six months were eaten up with his efforts. He was able to not follow her, just check in to be sure she was okay. He had used the crawl space a few times, having missed her on her outings. He loved and hated those days. He was so close to her, it was intimate feeling. He longed for that feeling of connection in his life, but it was false. He was not connected to her, he was stalking her. That duality kept whipping around in his head as he attempted to distance himself from her. He had to curb his lewd behaviors somehow.

The final touches gave a sort of closure. When Levi finished making the bed, he felt fully satisfied. It was perfect. She was going to love it. All he had to do was find a way to invite her home. His stray girl needed a _good_ home. She deserved so much better than she had, in his opinion. He just had to find a way to tell her it was here with him. It was only a matter of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last few chapters feel... awkward, to me. The pacing is too slow but also rushed? There are important things in all of them, but they are short because I don't want to fill it up with pointless details. The next chapter is the last in the "pacing fiasco" I have been grappling with. Then we start to pick up steam... Like with any rollercoaster the climb is slow, the fall is fast. 
> 
> Bear with me.


	7. Unsettling

It was an itch at first. A minor little twitch of muscle that had him thinking too much about her home. He kept away mostly. He would just drive by, pause long enough to be sure that she was safe back from work. Things were getting rougher as the heat loomed on the horizon. The threat of a hot summer promised a rise in crime. He just wanted to be sure she was safe. It would be a pest circling his head otherwise.

It had been over a year and a half and Levi was back staking out the same building in the same neighborhood for a totally different target. He watched her cross like clockwork once more. Now, seeing her offered comfort. He could drive by, only slowing to be sure her porch light was on after dusk. He found he could stay away.

The sitting was easier this time. He would just sit and count the minutes until he saw his girl again. The days were mostly dull. Levi made the mistake of referring to her as ‘his stray girl’ once. He screwed up worse the next day by referring to her by name. Mike let both slips of tongue pass without comment. Levi knew he caught them though.

Levi watched as every day she made the circuit past their window. That was until the day she was huddled under her coat, walking too briskly. Mike saw it too. They knew the look. She was trying to get away from something.

Levi was flying down the stairs, Mike close behind. They went different ways as they exited the building. They would not approach her, trying hard to not blow their own cover over a catcall. Levi was a close shadow until she was going up her stairs. He turned and started back to where Mike had split off from him. They would be sure what ever had spooked her had not followed. 

Levi rounded the corner to find his partner. Mike was doubling back as well. He shook his head, he had not found what might have spooked her. There was a chance it was just some lech on the bus. Public transit tended to have the full spectrum of the public, after all.

They returned to their post. Mike was just as hawk like as Levi. Every new face made them both tense. Levi was not able to just pass by tonight. He looked up at her lit windows and parked. The keys were in his pocket still. Levi entered the crawl space and silently searched to see where she was.

She was pacing in her living room. Her nerves must still have been rattled from earlier. Levi felt powerless. He could do nothing to help her know she was safe. He relaxed down, settled in to stay until she could sleep. She might not know he was there, but she would be safe. He needed that, as much as she did.

She continued to walk home the same hunched way. Mike said nothing when Levi left to see if he could suss out if it was someone on the bus. He found a good spot but, near as he could tell, no one was bothering her on the bus. It frustrated Levi. He would only go home to shower and change. Eating was done at work. He was sleeping in her crawl space. He was sure something was upsetting her.

Was it a coworker harassing her? Maybe the problem was getting off the bus before her. There were options. Levi once again started followed her on his days off. He listened closely to every word that left her mouth. He was thinking on her plight every free moment he had. He could see the weight of it slowly crushing her. What ever was wrong was getting worse, not better.

The stakeout ended before Levi could ascertain what was unsettling his girl. Levi was higher strung than normal for it. She was unprotected now. Too much time was left where she was out of his sight. The danger that bowed her spine was tangling with his. He found himself still sleeping in the crawl space two months later. Levi could not go on like this. He had to find the source, help her.

One of the days she was at work but he was off, he dropped down and searched her place for clues. He checked her mail, her trash. He looked over the emails left open on her computer. He could find no clues as to what was wrong. Nothing gave a sign she was distraught even. Still she huddled under her coat when she was out, even with it getting warmer. Something had closed her off, made her take up a defensive.

Levi was surprised how much is changed him, the first day of her relaxing a little. He knew why she had finally calmed. No one could stay high-strung with a goofy kitten romping around the house. The silly little thing was able to soothe whatever concerns had been haunting her. She called him NoName since she was trying to not get too attached. Little guy was just like her, lost.

Even with the noose loosened from his neck, Levi was worried about them. He had not found the source of her earlier fears and a kitten was not a guard dog. Levi decided he would keep watch over them both. The two strays needed a protector. A well trained police detective was far better than a rottweiler.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 96 days *wicked smirk, that's a little too much teeth*


	8. Date

Levi listened to her speaking on the phone. It was work, they were trying to call her in. Levi could hear the rain pattering on her window. It was really coming down. Her rain gear would keep her dry, Levi knew this, but it was still nothing he wanted her going out in. It was his day off. He was hoping to spend the day with her.

Her declining of the hours was sweet. He listened quietly as she played her fingers through the fur of NoName the kitten-cat. She had plastered up posters of her stray all around town. The little guy had bright mismatched eyes and a cute pink nose. Levi half wanted to claim the tiny goof just to have an excuse to talk to her.

Maybe she would want to come visit the kitten at his place? He would give her an open invitation. No, she was too considerate. She would never impose on him like that, no mater how often he offered. He loved the curtesy she so easily offered. He looked forward to having that attention paid to him. Someday, someday he would be able to have a real conversation with her.

“I’m really sorry, I have, um, a date. ...I know, yes. I should have just said- Yes, sir. Thank you. Thanks, yes, you too sir. Goodnight.” She hung up the phone and dropped it with an exaggerated flourish to the couch. Levi felt queazy. She had a date?

“So little guy, what do you want to do on our date? I think movie marathon and delivery sounds perfect!” She scooped up the deceptively small under his fluffy white cat only to flop onto the couch.

She playfully snuggled him until opening her arms so he could dash away. He ran two whole steps. His tail swished as he circled around to try and get the upper hand on the larger stray. Levi craned his neck so he could have a good angle to see the whole fray. NoName pounced her. It was an impressive straight up to down jump to grab and bodyslam her taunting hand. The kitten quickly realized his mistake as the human easily cradled him up to lavish him with scritches and pecks of affection between his pert ears. Levi wished he could join in on the rough and tumble fun.

He could grab her up. Peppering her with kisses while her infectious giggle sang to his heart. The struggle would only be in jest, he would overpower her only if she wanted. He longed for the feel of her hands pushing on him only to pull him closer. He would pin her down and claim those lovely lips as his prize.

He was sure that was how it would go. Her hands in his hair. She would hold him close, just as hungry for his kiss. It would get heated. He would massage all those work sore muscles of hers. Her stress would melt away under his hands. He would be allowed, expected, to touch all of her.

The daydream was running away with him. Levi bit his lip, hard. He let the dream go. He stayed. He listened to her order dinner, picking up a new dish to try. She was binging on some horror movies. The storm outside lent well to the spooky ambiance. She spent the night with her date NoName, playing and tumbling until lounging better suited the mood. Levi yearned to join them. He had never known a rainy day to be so pleasant.

Bedtime came too quickly for Levi. He wanted the day to never end. As she slept Levi crept down. He looked a few places and found the cat snoozing in a laundry basket. He scratched behind his ears, earning purring and nuzzles for his effort. Levi was so glad this stray had a home with her.

Levi went in to check on her. He had to leave soon. The necessities of life were calling to him. He ever so gently touched her cheek. She was so lovely. He kissed her temple and pulled away, leaving as quietly as he entered. She made a soft noise, possibly a whimper.

Levi turned slowly, curious over the faint sound. She was asleep, covers being fought with as a louder moan came out. It was a lusty little sound. Levi stood statue still, wondering if he was really seeing the event transpiring before him.

She twisted free of her covers, warm night making her hot body want air. Her hands were grabbing the pillow over her head as another soft cry left her. Her legs were rubbing in a way that told Levi the source of the sensation she was enjoying. She made a sweet panting gasp as her hips undulated to her own unheard drum.

Levi watched in awe as she came undone before him. He was knocked breathless by the natural beauty of her. She was having the most salacious of dreams and he had the privilege of witnessing the outcome. She was making the sexiest sounds as her body trembled. Her hips went still, body relaxing in the post-climax drift. Levi crept closer. He ran one finger affectionately across her brow.

“Thank you.” He whispered out his gratitude. He could never have thought to ask for such a wondrous gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jane Siberry - [It Can’t Rain All The Time](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFtHMbbLUrQ)
> 
> This song feels too poignant for this chapter, and yet strangely fitting.


	9. Upholstery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 84 Days

Levi watched quietly from the crawl space. His frustration grew as she tore her home apart looking for the lost phone. He wanted desperately to help her. As he watched her scrounging through the whole place Levi made a mental list of where she missed looking. She abandoned her search for the device around midnight. Levi waited impatiently for her to fall asleep.

Levi dropped down from the ceiling access in her closet. NoName watched from his lounging spot on a chair but did not come to help. Levi was just another shadow as he picked up where she left off searching for her missing device. He backtracked her steps until he was digging under the couch cushions. There it was, having fallen through a small tear in the arm’s upholstery, inside the couch. He retrieved the bobble and left it slightly behind the coffee maker. She had not looked very hard in the kitchen. It would be the least unnerving place she would still be sure to find it. He checked in on her, sleeping soundly.

Levi crept closer. He allowed himself the briefest of touches. His fingers found her cheek for a second time as he failed to walk away, want of her company winning out over better judgement. His eyes widened as she leaned into his touch. He held his hand as still as he could. She rolled toward his hand, nestling slightly into his palm. His heart was in his throat in a nervous sort of joy. He rubbed his thumb softly over her bottom lip.

He wanted to stay, could find no reasoning powerful enough to not let this moment stretch on. Levi crawled onto the bed, maneuvering to keep from putting pressure on her. He was laying next to her, enraptured by her proximity. He let her rest on his hand, holding completely still, until his limb started to protest. His circulation was demanding he move. He was ever so careful as he removed his hand.

She rolled onto her back, her own body adjusting once his hand was gone. He leaned in and kissed her forehead. She was so lovely in her peaceful slumber, his sweet stray girl. He looked at her lips. He desperately wanted to test if they would be so soft against his.

He looked too long, just as he stayed too long. It was gravity that pulled him down. It was magnetism that had his lips dusting over hers. He was powerless to stop it. Her lips were soft, still tasting a little of her toothpaste. He pulled back slowly. He had to stop. This was too far.

He climbed back up into the crawl space. He only made it to his peep hole. He slumped down with the reprieve of his forlorn heart. He settled over where she was sleeping. He listened to the sound of her breathing. She was the most dulcet of lullaby to him. He drifted into his first peaceful sleep in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All those tags are gonna be getting relevant... fast. I just don't want anyone forgetting what kind of story this is.


	10. Free (NSFW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 62 Days

Levi once more found himself in the crawl space. He knew he should not be watching her like this. He was letting this go too far. The fear that had justified his staying was no longer riding on her shoulders. He should return to his reconnaissance of how to engage her like a normal person. Instead he was watching her intently. He followed her around her place, learning more about her and her home.

When she got ready for bed he told himself to leave. He would not watch her sleep again. It was too many times now, his waiting, hoping. He wanted to catch her having another dream. He wanted to be closer this time. That lonely voice in the back of his mind assured him it would be alright in the end. She would be able to understand he was already so close to her, it was just expected they have this level of intimacy.

He lingered in ambivalence, wanting to do the right thing but yearning to stay the night. He looked to see her climbing in bed. She had picked an oversized nightshirt and underwear as her only coverings. She pulled the covers up loosely over half her body. It was warm tonight. He lost the first round of his battle and settled in to watch her descent into slumber in her natural glory.

She softly ran her hands once over her body, seeming to test the waters of her mood. She returned to play a little with her hair before those beautiful hands began with more fascinating ministrations. She massaged her hands over herself, starting at the nape of her neck. She trailed her fingers over that splendid throat Levi wanted to kiss and nibble. She ran her hands along her collarbone to press and pull the muscles, slightly raking her nails on her shoulders when she moved on. She rolled her breasts in an affectionate kneading. As she progressed lower, hugging at her own abdomen with a loving pressure, Levi wished those could be his arms.

Levi held his breath as her hands found her hips. He watched keenly as her fingers splayed to pet her inner thighs. He wanted so badly to lace his fingers with hers to explore her perfection together. Levi swallowed dryly as those fingers danced over her panties. She was teasing herself, not staying too long on any sensation, but openly savoring every playful touch. He had never seen anything so erotic. Then she stripped off her underwear. Levi had every shard of benevolence fall right out of his head. He had to stay.

At first one hand kept attending the massaging of her delicious skin while the other beckoned her femininity to arousal. Levi was biting his lip to be sure he kept his mouth closed and silent. He wanted to hear every little noise she made. The slick sound of her fingers finally exploring her core made him gasp in want, jaws quickly clamping shut to hold in his lust. He was inching closer, straining to absorb every magical detail of her. She was using both her hands to pleasure herself as Levi studied every move of wrist. He could think of nothing more satisfying than it being him making her feel so good.

Levi watched, mesmerized by the moves of her fingers. The way her hips rolled to meet her hand had him straining in his pants. He was pressed so closely to where she lay below him as her breathing got louder. Soft wet slips could barely be heard from his distance but he focused in to hear all of them, to enjoy her luscious symphony. He clamped his hand over his mouth as she arched her back, her body being allowed every gorgeous twitch of her rapture. He was holding his breath as she gave him a view he hoped to never forget.

He was so hard he wondered if he should stroke off right there. He thought better of it when he considered the possible mess. He was out and in his car as fast as he could in total silence. He was trying to stay focused on getting home but his mind kept going back to her.

He was moved by the way she just let go. She was, in her head at least, alone. No one was there to impress or hold back for. She just let her orgasm rip the most delectable sounds from her mouth. She lost her rhythm and came all over her graceful fingers. He could not stop thinking about her expression. She was beyond beautiful in her release. She was truly free.

Levi pulled over into a dark lot. He took a spot that had him blocked from view, silhouetted bushes helping hide him. He pulled himself from his pants and started pumping his fist up and down his length. He dug in his glove box for a condom and its helpful lubricant. More over it would ease cleaning up. He slipped the sheath on and resumed his strokes.

Levi closed his eyes and let the event he had just been lucky enough to witness play on repeat through his head. He started pulling himself at the tempo of her strumming. The sound of her, the look of her. He was panting hard as he followed her down. He was replaying how her constraints shattered as she reached her peak. He was bowing over as his own collapse of control came. He spoke for her, the woman making him spill hot into a rubber.

“Ah, fuck, love. Let yourself go completely. Break apart on me. Fuck yes, trust me to love it. Mm, I love it. Aha, fuck how I love it.”

Silence filled the car. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another song that lyrically fits so well but melodically is a little off to the mood of the chapter.
> 
> Steve Conte: [Stray](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4g1qVDNNEY)


	11. Stay (NSFW)

Another warm night loomed as Levi left his hiding place to join her in bed. It had been a while since he allowed himself the trespass. He had been trying not to, but it was so calming to be this close to her. He gently draped his arm over her waist. He closed his eyes and relaxed. He felt whole when he was laying like this.

She was in only a night shirt again. He loved seeing her like this. When it was cooler she would be in pajamas, and he did enjoy that just fine. The warmth at the heart of summer had her wearing less to bed, though. It was partially the rarity of the showing off of her skin that got to him. He cherished every special glimpse he got of her.

She rolled onto him a little, trying to lay on her back. Her hips gave a little wiggle as she tried to even out the lump in the mattress that was Levi. He carefully pulled out of the way. She gave a contented sigh as her face inched a bit closer to him. He licked his lips, remembering how lovely her lips felt.

He had been so distracted by her tempting mouth that he stopped minding his hand at her hip. She had adjusted her position a little more now that he was not under her. He had not noticed his hand was between her thighs until her legs trapped him. His hand was caught in a rather intimate place with her shimmying in a very familiar way. This was like the night he had seen her have that splendid dream.

He was splintered by the situation. If he pulled free now she might wake from the rough contact. If he stayed put he was being too intrusive. In the end what he secretly wanted to do most won out. He would stay. Let her come undone with him right there. After all, he only found it sexy.

The way her hips rolled and shifted had his hand rubbing her a little. He swallowed hard and kept as still as he could. She was grinding ever so slightly on his hand. As the opportunity arose he assisted by brushing along the inviting heat of her panties. The sway of her body under his arm only felt right, like this was where he belonged.

He was trying to memorize every little move, every sound she made. He wanted to remember this for as long as he lived, longer, fates willing. He was thinking about how easy it would be to push her underwear aside, slip in a finger to help her along. He was sure she would feel amazing around him. No sooner had the thought formed than Levi shooed it away. He would not cross that line.

Her breathing was getting fast. The bobbing push of her heat into his hand was speeding up. When she made a near silent gasp and shuddered, he could not breathe. He did not know who to thank for getting to be experiencing her like this. He gently kissed her exposed neck and savored the closeness. He felt so connected to her. He could not leave her even to take care of himself. He just stayed by her until the light of dawn warned the day was starting anew.


	12. Opening (NSFW)

He should have jerked off instead. He was certain his resolve would have held if he had just had his own orgasm before laying down next to her again tonight. He was pressed against her slumbering form, fully aroused by the mere closeness of her.

She was hot under his hands. He wanted to touch more of her so badly. She had been pleasuring herself earlier, opting not to finish and go to bed instead. He was trying to ignore the flushed heat under his own skin but it was a losing battle.He could just see if he was learning her rhythms correctly. Give her a better than usual explicit dream.

Her back was to him, her blanket lumped between her knees opening her up for him. He had a perfect opportunity to hold her as she came. He craved the sense of bonding that came with her showing that hidden part of herself to him. He wanted more than anything to make her feel good, to know he could give her that pleasure. It would prove he was meant for her.

He sucked his fingers first, his saliva reducing the risk of unpleasant friction for her. He ran his fingers under the cotton barrier to her waiting heat. He pushed in one finger, slow, gentle. He did not want to wake her or upset her. He started pumping his finger in and out of her to build up a bit of interest. She had a lingering wetness from her earlier self-attention, with an inviting kind of tightness. As she gave one of her pleased hums Levi could feel her moving with him a little more. 

She clamped a little greedily on his one finger, spurring him to continue. He added a second finger, softly filling her that bit more now that she was ready. He tried to match the motions she had been using. He watched the posture of her body, minding the motions that failed as much as the ones that bolstered. The false honesty of her body’s eagerness was not what he really wanted to learn. He wanted to make her feel _loved_ , not just stimulated.

She was breathing harder as he curled his fingers. He watched her as he searched for that one sensitive spot that would make this even better. He found her and tested the best type of stroke. She was so direct like this. Each misstep conveyed though disinterest, every correction affirmed with a sultry moan.

She had somehow managed to make him even harder by grinding back on him. The way she moved with his hand was pushing her into him perfectly. He added some attention to her clit and was rewarded with a the most sumptuous cry. Levi was beside himself over the miraculous experience she was granting him. His own breathing was getting fast as she raced toward her finish. As her walls tightened and swallowed his fingers in want he bit his tongue to keep from crying out with her. She was undeniably the single most splendid creature on the planet.

“Fuck how I love you.” Levi kissed her shoulder as he tried to calm his own arousal.

He held her as he relaxed into the buzz she had left licking along his skin. As he let rest take the stress from his joints he wished he could hug her tighter. Slowly the truth sank in. He had crossed another one of his lines. He had to get in control. He would not go back to her bed until he did. He demanded this of himself. He only lasted a day. He was in bed by her the very next night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pressure just keeps building.


	13. Mark (NSFW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I feel obligated to point at (in order of relevance) the: rape fantasy, non-consential, fucked up and sleep sex tags.
> 
> 36 Days.

The heat wave had come in like a battering ram. It was a sort of muggy that stuck thickly to the skin even with a breeze. The last week had been roasting hot, forcing Levi to deal with the layers of his wardrobe or risk heatstroke. Levi was stripping down as soon as he got into the crawl space. Tonight he sported only a black tank top and underwear. He was settled at his favorite vantage point, fully engrossed in her.

The dim glow of the screen of her computer filled the room. She had been watching a movie but got distracted by slowly shedding all her clothing. It was too hot to sleep in anything. Her mood was boiling as well it seemed. The movie was only thirty minutes in and she was naked, on her covers, touching herself.

He was pulling on his own length. He had not brought in any condoms, impeding mess making him hesitate to let himself go completely. His hand also felt distractingly like his hand without additional lubricant. Levi watched as her fingers started to slow, his own wrist conditioned to slowing with it. Slower and slower, until she sleepily wiped her flirting fingers onto her hand towel. She went still, sleep winning out over lust.

Levi waited in disappointment. It was too hot to think straight. Her rocking hips had been grinding on her hand and now nothing. He had already stripped everything that could rattle or clank. He could just finish her off. He was so hard, tent in his underwear. Eagerness was making a dark spot at its peak. He pulled them off so he could easily beat himself off as he brought her. He could stand not coming himself really but she needed to, he needed her to.

He was slow to exit, cautious of her waking. The muddy heat made it more probable she would not be waking for a while. He was looking at her, naked on her sheets, open and wet. It was the sexiest thing he had ever seen. The humid lurching of his brain wanted to be in her. He wanted to know the feel of her so badly he crawled up on that bed.

He ran his dry hand over his cock and swallowed a hiss. He could just use a bit of her wetness. He would just slip in once to coat himself in her slick and that would be it. It was so hot, too hot to think more on it. She had been far enough along it was not difficult to enter her. He pushed in, so careful not to needlessly touch her, jostle her. Her perfectly tight deep muscles were squeezing around him as he reached the limit of his plunge.

He stayed bottomed out a moment, his own earlier attention making him too sensitive in her. One more little move and he might come, he was so worked up. He had underestimated how close she would be as well. The small shift from his ragged breathing was enough. She rolled her hips as her climax spasmed around him.

He was not ready for that, or maybe too ready was more accurate. He started to come with her. He gripped the covers hard as he tried to keep from moving to meet her. His member was spurting inside her and he could not think to move without risk of waking her. He bit his lip, keeping silent and still as they lost it.

He wanted to collapse onto her. He would hold her close, using powerful thrusts to coax that sweetly pulsing point inside her. He would kiss her, sucking that lovely neck raw. He would litter her in his mark. Oh how he wanted to grab her, rock into her until he came a second time.

As her depths finished with him, sanity bled back in. He had stayed motionless, kept from waking her. He was sure he had not done enough that if he cleaned her up a bit she would not be any the wiser. He pulled free, care given not to so much as brush her. He was overly cautious, his own nerves crackling under the current of being with her. He was trying to think clearly but all he could get to was he wanted _more_.

He used a different towel, he figured he could wash it and stuff it in the bottom of the hamper in a day or two. This fogginess of mind everyone was grappling with would easily justify forgetting the location of one towel. He cleaned her out as best he could without getting too distracted. Her heat subdued self was a horny little thing. She kept grinding into his fingers. He wanted to let her use him like that so badly. How he wanted her to be his.

It was his obsessive cleanliness that convinced him to leave her side. He dressed, left, and headed home to shower. His head felt thick with sex and musky dampness. He got home and walked back into his temperature controlled, orderly, reality. He went straight to the shower. There were too many substances on him, even if some of them were hers.

As what had just happened tried to align with his world, Levi started to panic. What had he done? What the fuck had he done to the woman he claimed to love? What was he thinking? He scrubbed harder at his nails. He harshly scoured his skin a second time. He did not deserve to have her on him.

Worse was how he had enjoyed her. The feel of her silky depths. The simple idea of his being the one to make her feel that good was intoxicating. He was getting hard just recalling that moment of shared release. He was repulsed by his lack of concern over her absent consent. He knew this hunger would only get stronger, his need for her would only grow.

He twisted the temperature of the shower to cold. She deserved better from him. The water was icy razors, cutting him free of his debauched delusions. He had to stop. He had to not do anything like that ever again. He fisted his hands in his damp hair, forehead pressed too hard into the cooling tiles. He had to stop going to her place. He had to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter, Levi comes face to face with his greatest fear. There is never a way to ease into hell really, but Levi is tragically unprepared.


	14. Brick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor gore warning. Nowhere near the level of my normal work but still.
> 
> 32 Days.

He missed them, his strays. NoName had only just been given a name, Floyd, to which Levi throughly approved. Without them sleep was excruciatingly absent. Levi could hardly stop the cycle of loathing twisting in to unwelcome lust that ran violently through his mind. His old nightmares were haunting him again. Decades of the nightmare made it nothing new to him. His mother. His coat. All gone because of his failure to keep them safe.

The call was an unwelcome interruption to Levi’s brooding. Mike had picked up on Levi being depressed. The whole squad room had been giving him a wide berth. Levi had only been away four days. He had not even allowed himself a passing glance. Four short days, only just over half a week, of not checking on her. He was a mess after just four days. This was going to be harder than he originally thought.

Levi walked into the warehouse. It was an open space so there was nothing blocking the view of the scene soon as he entered. It was all plain brick walls, no paint to give contrast to the red. The floor did better with the light gray concrete. The red looked garish there. Too fresh. His gut lurched. He had hoped it was not this case that brought him in.

Her broken body had been worse than butchered. Very little of her remained intact enough to identify. Levi found himself praying it was the missing woman. The hair that had been an exact match to (F/N)’s was caked in blood and other thicker clumps. Dread lumbered through him. Levi was only half glad the poor girl had her face turned away. That was until he walked to see the other side.

The eyes were gone. The trait this woman had that made her so obviously not his girl was gone. Levi looked at the ruin of her death slacked face that now seemed all too familiar and stopped breathing. It could be her. Was he positive it was not her? Too fresh, the blood was too fresh.

Levi was going to be sick, his chest was tight. He looked around for something belonging to her. A purse, an article of clothing, anything to confirm to his doubting mind it was the missing woman. Not her, please not his stray girl. A ringtone echoed through the huge space. Levi was startled from his panicking, taking in a ragged gasp as he started breathing again.

“Damn it all. Her phone is here. Someone find it!” Mike was losing his cool too. He was shouting at no one specific so the two cadets were the only ones to hop to.

“Oi! Get your asses in gear! We don’t need you shitheads holding her dead hand. Help find her fucking phone!” Levi could hardly hold in his rage. This was not his girl, but he needed to know that beyond any doubt.

He walked the perimeter a second time, hoping for a holler telling him there were clues to her identity that did not involve his getting any closer. Mike was watching him. Levi knew Mike was aware of his not getting closer to the body. Those long legs closed the distance and he spoke low, just for Levi.

“We can drive by on the way back. It’s not her Levi. Don’t think that it is her.” Mike was too smart. “You’ll have a chance to talk to her. Actually get to know her. Damn shy fool. But this is not her.”

“How the fuck did you know that was what I was thinking? How-“

“This may surprise you to find out, but I’m a detective. It’s my profession, in fact.” Mike interrupted. “Also I’m your partner. I notice things.” Levi wondered if that included his late night visits to her home.

“I never even said-“

“One word about being interested in her? No shit. I’m only half glad I never had a chance to play wingman for you, considering the few times we’ve had cause to interact with her. I get it Levi. I know how hard it is to put this job down long enough to socialize. You haven’t missed your chance. She is alive. Home. Safe and sound.”

“She isn’t safe, Mike. You know that as much as I do.” Mike did not argue, he was a smart man after all.

They looked at the body. This was not going to be a one off. It was too impersonal to be a crime of passion, too intimate to be a hit. Levi would bet money it was the first in a serial. Bastards like this usually had a type. He was hunting women that looked like (F/N). The predator was hunting in her neighborhood to boot. She was in danger and Levi had no idea how to protect her. It was not like he could just force her into hiding someplace safe until they caught the killer.


	15. Cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 19 Days

The recurring nightmares first started after his mother’s murder. The nightmare was always tragically the same. He would come home too late to save her. The red blossoming on his coat from his dripping hands to the article pinned under her body. Those blood roses flowering from the lose of the only securities he ever knew. It would end with him being dragged out by his uncle Kenny. Leaving behind the only home he ever had. Everything good in his life gone in every way.

Tonight the nightmare was different. This time it was his stray girl in her coat that looked so similar to his. She was in Levi’s childhood home. Dead. He got there too late. She was already cold. It was a wordless sound that tore its way out of his chest. It was a wild sorrow snarled in pain and rage.

Levi reacted without understanding the situation. The hand on his shoulder had to be treated as a threat. Bright lights filled his eyes. His desk, people talking, the station. He was at his desk in the police station.

“Levi?” Mike was nonplus over the knife poised at what might be his femoral artery. This was not the first time he had startled his partner by waking him from a nightmare.

Levi returned the knife to its sheath at the small of his back. “Shit Mike, are you alright?”

“I’m good. Nightmares started up again?”

“Yeah. Might be time for a break.” Levi looked at the crime scene photos strewn across his desk. Red, formless pain was all he saw. Details needed to find clues lost to his mind’s fears. It was all too easy for this awful dream to come true. For this to be his girl. Mike nodded. The tall man no doubt had a guess what Levi would do, where Levi would go. Levi would stop by his place for a shower, then take up his personal stakeout.

It was a second body. Two weeks, tallying two bodies. Levi did not like this. It was still too early in the investigation to be certain it was a serial killer. The murders were not identical. There were significant differences, but the women being so similar in appearance had everyone alarmed. Levi hated how much they looked like her.

Levi got to her place again. He stayed in the car. He watched as Floyd jumped into the window. Levi felt a pining in his heart as she joined him in the window. They looked out into the night and would not see their vigilant knight.

Sleep would not be visiting him again any time soon. He sat in his car and watched. He would go over the reports, sifting through the evidence in search of clues. He would be her sentry as he tried to hunt down the threat to her. He was going to find this pigfaced bastard. He would keep her safe. If no one else, he would protect her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kari Kimmel: [Monsters In Your Head](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeIVKLqlE0I)
> 
> I found two perfectly Levi in "this condition" songs after writing these chapters. Here is one. The next will be on chapter 17.


	16. Tortured

It was just a flippant notion at first. The idea was not fully thought out. It was just an acknowledgement that his home was safe. Her place was not. The predator was there, somewhere. He could not be there all the time. Levi wanted to find a way to get her to his home. Any justifiable excuse to shelter her away from this very real threat. She needed to be someplace safe. Levi needed to know she was someplace safe.

It was such an innocent thought. She could just stay in her room. It was the safest room in the building, in a good neighborhood, miles from the murderer’s hunting ground. The room was hers already, she just did not know it. He was certain under the right conditions she would easily think of it as home.

There was a single problem that he could never get his head around. Getting her there. The danger was pressing in with every breath he took. She would not want to move in with a total stranger who had a a room in his soundproof fortress just for her. There was no level of charisma afforded by his badge that could assure his sincerity in his wish for her wellbeing.

Loose thoughts that fell away like sand between his fingers. He was still refusing to allow himself into her place. She and Floyd needed him to be keeping watch for danger, not scuttling around in her ceiling. She was a lovely, single, woman living alone in a bad part of town. She also happened to match the profile of targets a serial murderer was abducting from her area.

It was on all on him. If Levi had learned anything about life, it was that his would always find a way to go wrong. His caring for this woman had painted a cosmic bullseye on her. That or maybe it was the other way around. Maybe her impending death was the tether that bound him to her. Maybe fate was trying to give him a chance with the one that mattered. He had found his stray girl so he _could_ save her.

His thoughts were getting murky as time ate at him. Levi was not sleeping enough. His nightmares were bleeding into his waking mind. He was not thinking clearly at all. The pictures were twisting to match his stray more and more with every passing second. Levi was watching that porch light every night as supplement to his elusive slumber.

He could just spend one night resting above her. He desperately wanted to play with Floyd, just for a few minutes. He would only stay a moment. He might check in on her. He would be good, not linger. Well, he might allow himself a moment. Only as long as it took to relax a little, take the edge off so he could sleep. He would not touch her.

He could not trust he would not touch her.

Levi stayed in his car.

The third body was when the levee broke. This one was tortured. Forensics had her alive for days as the pig-fuck toyed with her. She had suffered, and Levi had done nothing in time to save her.

It was a flicker that started to consume his thoughts, until it was the only reasonable course of action. He would bring them home. Floyd was an indoor cat. She understood his safety could only be assured this way. She would understand why he had to do it this way, in the end. If she was alive, she could eventually forgive him. If she died, he would never forgive himself. It was the only way. He had to take her home with him.


	17. Reluctantly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6 Days.
> 
> This story is plenty dark enough without it, but for the full gut punch experience maybe try listening to this song while contemplating Levi's nightmare.
> 
> He Is We: [Kiss It Better](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldEInTtHZWc)

Levi was still not sleeping. Between the case and his new recurring nightmares Levi was only playing at thinking clearly. He was not sure how the thought got into his head. He had worried about her trying to ambush him. The solution came out of some broken part of his mind. It was fucked up but here he was with a steel chain locked around his neck, testing the feel of it.

Levi pulled the chain hard. It slid across his skin smoothly. He twisted it in the other direction. Again the musical clatter ended without any biting links or rough edges. He undid the lock, freeing his throat. The weight was acceptable, a bit heavier than he liked but this chain was smoother than the lighter one.

Levi looked at the anchor in the floor and contemplated attaching the chain down. He absent-mindedly played with the links under his fingers. Temptation would force him to hurt her. His stray girl was a fighter. She would never let the chance to try and escape pass her by. He wanted her to have her run of the room, her room. He needed to make it so she could not reach the door. It was the only reasonable option.

Reasonable? It was madness. He could not lock her up. Chain her like some animal in a yard? His girl needed protecting not imprisonment. He coiled the chains, took them to the trash bin, and tossed them in. He would not do that to his girl. He would find another way.

Laying in bed Levi thought of her. He recalled the soft flutter of her breathing as she slept beside him. He kept his eyes closed as he let the illusion pull him into the dark. For the first time in a week Levi slept long enough, deeply enough to dream. It was only after three hours of sleep that Levi awoke with a jagged scream caught in his chest. He was shaking. It was the nightmare again.

His lovely stray had died again. He got to her this time. He reached her right as the pig-shit landed the fatal blow. Levi was just in time to watch. He got the bastard, two bullets right to the heart, but it did not matter. She was clinging to him, blood dripping down his arms faster than he could hope to stop. He held her tight, pressure over the wounds a hopeless endeavor. She whispered his name, only once. His name on her crimson painted rose petal lips, only to ever happen the once. She died in his arms.

He could not stop shaking. The sound of her saying his name echoed in his head. He did not save her. His hands felt dirty with blood. His mother’s. His stray girl’s, the one true love of his life. The feeling of their deaths was clinging to his palms. His eyes burned, his throat was ragged from choked on howls. He only had the one way to save her. He had to bring her home.

Levi climbed out of bed. He reluctantly trudged to the trash bin and pulled out the chains. He washed them. He scrubbed down every dip in each link twice. The sun was already up by the time he finished. He locked the chain down to the anchor. He would only use it if he had to. It would only be to keep her safe.


	18. Hanging

A dull ache drummed through Levi’s head. He looked longingly at the lock to the hatch of her crawl space. He put down the load of boxes, leaning them over the bottles of alcohol and lighter fluid. He did the math again in his head of how many he would need to be sure the whole crawl space would go up. He had doubled that amount for the rest of the apartment. The explosive flames from the bottles would no doubt do the trick.

The obvious assumption to make about her disappearance would be that the murderous pig that had taken all the others took her. Occam’s razor. Levi would not be a prime suspect in the least. Mike was smart enough to not rule him out, though. Levi knew it was risky to do something outside of the current MO of their suspect. It was the only way he could be sure. A fire would cover his tracks when nothing else would. What the flames did not reduce to ash the hoses would soak to the point of worthless.

Levi was staring at the lock. He had stalled out on his late night process of bringing up his supplies in small loads. Beyond that lock was her. He would find some peace if he just went past that one lock. He could go and watch her. Ease the pain of his mind and body. Just for a few minutes. Only as long as it took to remember how to breathe.

No.

He would stay. Just the temptation was hard enough to resist. If he were looking at her, touching her, he could not be sure he would stop. He was still hearing her say his name, a quiet whisper in his ear. A need was growing, or perhaps festering, within him, one that scared him. He had to be more in charge of himself if he was to be near her. His impulse control was faltering. He managed to pull himself away and back to the car.

He had gone to the store and bought food, litter and toys for Floyd. The new doors had arrived but hanging doors was a pain in the ass. He would do that soon. Levi was a bit giddy over the idea of all of them happily together. He held on to the hope that he would be able to show her how much he cared. That she would understand he was only trying to keep her safe. He was embarrassed by how easy it was for him to think of her as his one true love. If she could just see that they were meant for each other, everything would be alright. He was sure.

He noted that the porch light was off now. It had been on when Levi entered the maintenance room. The damn bulb must have burnt out. Levi climbed into the car and had a brief thought of checking to be sure she had not turned off the light. The notion that the inviting glow was intentionally being denied to him was icicles in his spine. It was well after four in the morning. She was asleep, not clicking light switches in passive-aggressive efforts to spite him. He had to get ahold of himself.

This nervous energy had to get put into something. He was shifting around like a brat hopped up on three shots of espresso. He opened the case files and started looking for clues. If he caught this bastard he could wait, he could find another way to get her to be in his life. He would not sleep tonight, yet again. He had lost track of how long it had been since he slept last. It was more than three days, of that he was certain. His headache was getting worse as the sun crept up. Something had to give soon. All he knew for certain anymore was that things could not stay like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter left.


	19. Porch Light

The light was still out. Two days now. Levi cursed his forgetting the spare bulb on his counter. He looked at the dim porch area of her flat and willed the street lights brighter. He could just take the bulb from one of her neighbors. Except he did not want to cause a row with a neighbor if they happened across him.

Levi sat looking at the glow behind her curtains. A late night watching movies he expected. Maybe she was playing with her own stray right now. She was so sweet to that little cat. Levi was fond of him as well. He wanted Floyd to be around him as well as his person. Levi would wait until he took the time to install the new doors. It would be better for everyone.

The case files were in his duffle, wedged under the passenger side. He would glance at the seat, mind jumping from his stray girl to the forensics reports. Those photos were not of her. She was the shadow turning off the lights, going to bed. Not the forth body in a month. She was alive.

He would not be sleeping. He had not had a nights sleep for almost a week now. The nightmare was waiting just behind his eyes. His girl, limp and tattered in his arms. He was always too late to save her. Her coat was always stained red just as his had been. If he blinked for too long the heartbreak of her ruined form, being silenced forever, echoed in his mind.

He drummed his hands on the wheel. Half an hour. He would watch for half an hour then go home. He would get the forgotten bulb. Just thirty minutes of watching. Until it became thirty more. He could not pull away, even to get a bulb for her porch light. He wanted desperately for that light to let him feel like he was with her again. He longed for her smile.

The clock ticked by three in the morning. Levi saw the motion and waited for white fur to fill the window. It did not. The shadow crossed the window again. Too high up, neither his stray nor hers would have made that shadow. She was no longer alone.

Levi was up and out of the car at a jog. He was sure but if he was wrong it could destroy all his planning. He would knock. He would search her place. He was a police officer for fucks sake. He would flash his badge and take her away from the danger. He would save her. Maybe he would take them to his place. He had her room basically ready. New doors only mattered if she was alive.

He was up the stairs, nearly running to her door. He begged whatever powers that be to let him not be too late. Let him be wrong. Let her be safe. He got to the door. He knocked loudly, three bangs of his fist that would call her from even a deep sleep.

He had been too late for everyone else. He had been too late for his mother. Too late for the women filling his case files. He would not be late for her. Not tonight.

He would not lose her, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blossoming Decay:
> 
> -“You are safe. You are home. …You are mine.”-
> 
>  
> 
> Steve Conte: [Stray](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4g1qVDNNEY)
> 
> Lou Reed: [This Magic Moment](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eZjwJZF8uE)
> 
> Calum Scott: [Good to You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-M_OF3tiZI)
> 
> Vance Joy: [I’m With You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRR9ExA53Tc)
> 
> Florence + The Machine: [Drumming Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=boo2Zm69fhY)
> 
> Crywolf: [Quantum Immortality (AWAY Remix)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo9pUiLMkFE)
> 
> Matthew Mayfield: [Element](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4F2a8QOc1U)
> 
> Tiger Army: [Dark Paradise](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUwwE4l8uS4)
> 
> Brian Fallon: [Silence](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29RAVqKZ4JY)
> 
> Liza Anne: [Panic Attack](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FGNQjbW_CY)
> 
> Jane Siberry: [It Can’t Rain All The Time](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFtHMbbLUrQ)
> 
> Kari Kimmel: [Monsters In Your Head](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeIVKLqlE0I)
> 
> He Is We: [Kiss It Better](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldEInTtHZWc)
> 
> Frightened Rabbit: [Death Dream](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYLZrCuhu_0)
> 
> Nine Inch Nails: [And All That Could Have Been](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwc-amI7AmE)
> 
> Stabbing Westward: [What Do I Have To Do](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNsVpL8TDLA)
> 
> Johnny Cash: [Hurt](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt1Pwfnh5pc)
> 
> Interestingly, I find "Giving In To Love And Up To Madness" takes a bit of a different tone, both if you read it for the first time now or read it again. Feel free to enjoy the new way my words might influence you.
> 
> I am unbelievably grateful for your reading my story. Thank you. Thank you for your time, I know it was worth something.
> 
> As always, your comments, questions, constructive critique, are invited. I am doing this to get better and your feedback of every kind helps me. Kudos are a marvelous way to let me know my work moved something in you; a pat on the back saying I "done good, kid".
> 
> Be seeing you.


End file.
